One family and one battle to break the binds of PTSD

Renata Rafferty and her dad Henryk Fabisiak, who served in the Vietnam War

It’s been  over 60 years since the Vietnam War rippled out in seismic waves across Southeast Asia. 

But until just 12 months ago, RSL Queensland Executive Assistant Renata Rafferty could still feel its crippling effects. 

The daughter of a Vietnam veteran and granddaughter to prisoners of war in Siberia and Germany, Renata grew up in a household shaped by post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 

And it wasn’t until October last year, when Renata accepted a job at Mates4Mates, that the ‘battle after the war’ finally abated. 

Sharing her story as part of RSL Queensland’s commemoration of Vietnam Veterans’ Day on 18 August, Renata said the long road to recovery was only possible through the organisation’s lifesaving services.

“As soon as I saw that job description for Mates4Mates, I knew I’d found my purpose,” she says. 

“They offer these incredible services to veterans and their families, and I could see that it was the right support for my parents, the kind of support we’d always wanted. 

The battle after the war

PTSD took its toll on Renata and her parents 

Renata’s parents, Irena and Henryk Fabisiak, met at a Polish dance in Sydney and fell in love soon after. 

It was just after Vietnam, and while the joy of starting a family took centre stage, the hangover of the war sat like a heavy cloud in the background. 

“Back then, if you served, it was like you were left on a ledge. People just walked away. People didn’t want to know about the war, and they just didn’t want to know you,” Henryk says. 

And then there was the PTSD. 

“As soon as I entered a shop or a restaurant, I would immediately have to put my back against the wall. I had another friend who served who was the same. We had to make sure that we had eyes on the room. 

“There was a lot of anxiety.” 

With good help being hard to come by, and support services in Sydney doing little to heal the scars, Henryk learned to lean on alcohol – especially when ANZAC Day rolled around, and one drink turned into several. 

The long reach of trauma

Renata realised Mates4Mates could help her family 

Like many partners of veterans, the devastating effects on her husband’s mental health meant Irena was soon saddled with the role of “supporting backbone”. 

As the years trickled by, the secondary effects of PTSD also took their toll, and soon after, the cracks in their marriage began to show. 

“There was many a time where I thought, ‘is this really worth it? Is staying together really worth it?’ Because you don't want to go through it all again. And it's bloody hard,” she says. 

“It's hard for the kids. It's hard for you and it's hard to see your partner going through it and you can't be there to help them because you don't know how to help them.” 

For Renata, it translated into a childhood all but devoid of emotion and years spent struggling to relearn them. 

“I grew up idolising my dad and I didn’t realise it was to my detriment because I was idolising someone who was hiding their emotions and pushing everything down until one day, it just exploded,” she says. 

“We only found out later on, how that affected us all. 

“People just don’t realise that PTSD can have a lasting and long-term effect on not only the person that is suffering from it, but the family that are trying to support and help. 

“Because you feel like you have to be that support person for absolutely everyone.” 

The road to recovery 

Henryk and Irena Fabisiak 

While it has been 60 years since Australia's involvement in the Vietnam War, it’s only been a few months, Renata says, since her parents’ healing journey started. 

“Soon after I joined Mates4Mates, I started mentioning their veteran services in conversations to mum and dad and then I started dropping off flyers and newsletters. Eventually I got mum on board and then dad followed, and that was the key. 

“They’re now accessing psychology sessions and classes that are making the world of difference. It would have been just phenomenal if we had these around when we were growing up. 

“Just seeing how much Mates4Mates has helped, and just seeing the change in my dad, it’s just everything,” she says. 

“They now have that safe place, that place where they feel comfortable, and at Mates4Mates it’s a one stop shop of services.” 

While Renata made the transition to RSL Queensland earlier this year, she says working for organisations that have such a positive and personal impact on her own life leaves her at a loss for words. 

And that, she laughs, is something that doesn’t happen often. 

“Getting up and going to work each day, knowing that I’m making a difference in veteran’s lives is all I can ask for.”

See More About Vietnam Veterans' Day

Want to stay informed? Subscribe today and get the latest news, services, events and more direct to your email inbox.