The courage to remember with dignity

Warning: This article contains information relating to people who have died by suicide, which may be upsetting to some people.

Kevin says it was his own breakdown towards the end of his 20-year career in the Army that gave him the wake-up call that ultimately led to Cor Infinitus (Infinite Courage), a project establishing modest memorials across Australia dedicated to those who served our nation and died by suicide.

“I spent two decades flying Black Hawk and Chinook helicopters for the Army and have been deployed overseas several times during my career,” he says.

“In mid-2008 I almost became a statistic, and after I took the time I needed to get well again, left the Army and started my civilian career.

“I was able to get back to flying and I’ve been flying rescue helicopters for the past 10 years.”

Kevin is all too aware that he is one of the “lucky ones.”

“I consider myself one of the fortunate ones and feel lucky to say I have the problem of having a full-time job,” he says in a slight jest.

After his own struggles he knew he wanted to find a way to better help others in a similar situation.

SMALL MOMENTS SPARK AN IDEA TO HELP MANY

“Fast forward to December 2019 and a fellow who was in my squadron, who I flew with, Captain Steve Fazel, died by suicide. It hit hard,” he says.

“It is all too common in the veteran community, the ex-serving community and the broader service community but this one brought it closer to home.

“Then on ANZAC Day last year, I was in Townsville for work. I went to the memorial there and spent time reflecting on my life, Steve’s time in the service and all of those who have gone before me.”

While he was there, he came across a funeral service booklet on the ground for Private Bradley Carr, an infantry soldier.

“He was born on Remembrance Day and died by suicide on ANZAC Day the year prior. It drove home how we need to do better as a community and as a country for the families left behind,” Kevin recounts.

“It was then I turned my mind to getting a memorial in Townsville, not only for this young Private or Steve, but for all the families of those that have served regardless of era and circumstance.”

As people in Kevin’s network heard of what he was planning, he realised the need for a dignified memorial for families and loved ones wasn’t unique to the Townsville community.

Kevin explains, “I soon realised this had to be a national initiative. An effort to create a tangible place of solemn reflection for families and loved ones.

“In four months, we went from a flash of an idea to our first memorial in Townsville.”

The first Cor Infinitus memorial was unveiled on World Suicide Prevention Day, 10 September 2020, in Townsville’s ANZAC Park.

“It was an incredibly humbling experience to see the level of support. The Townsville RSL Sub Branch and City Council were paramount to this getting across the line.

“The memorials are inclusive and don’t represent any individual, rather they are owned by all families of those lost and it is our hope they help them mourn, grieve, hope and heal.”

COURAGE IN ACTION

Cor Infinitus holds personal meaning for Kevin and the work he is doing.

“The origin of the name is Latin for heart and the root word for courage,” he says. “Infinitus is the Latin word for infinite.

“It felt fitting considering infinite could be used to describe the magnitude of loss felt by families when a loved one dies and, of course, courage to honour the courage needed by the families to face each day after a loved one is gone.

“Their hearts need to share, rather than hide their pain. The families need Infinite Courage.”

Starting his campaign hasn’t been without challenges, with some people advising Kevin he “shouldn’t go there” or talk about such a “touchy” subject.

“Comments like that are the reason we need to have these conversations,” he says.

“We need to be able to de-stigmatise it, talking about what it is and what it isn’t. Cor Infinitus isn’t about glorifying a person’s final action. It is about dignity and respect.

“We have worked hand-in-hand with Open Arms, Mates4Mates and the North Queensland Primary Health Network to ensure that what we are doing is as psychologically safe as we can make it.”

Cor Infinitus has also received advisory support from the Gallipoli Medical Research Foundation, one of RSL Queensland’s partners.

LIVING WITH HOPE

It is important to Kevin that each memorial also has a strong and relatable message of hope.

“We know that at times people who look at our memorials will be in a vulnerable place and we want these words of hope from families, professionals and loved ones, to give anyone having a difficult time to stay, seek help and seek life,” he says.

“The messages of hope on each memorial are within the viewer's eye-line so they can easily see the messaging and contact details of where to find help.

“It takes courage to put your hand up and ask for help or to admit that something isn’t okay. We all need to be courageous enough to admit that maybe we don’t have all the answers for what is going on in our lives at any given moment.

“We don’t often give it a second thought to get help managing our finances and using the services of a financial planner, for example, so why do we still struggle to access the help that is out there for mental health?”

A BOLD PLAN FOR THE FUTURE

Kevin’s on a mission. He wants to have a Cor Infinitus memorial in every city and town around the country by 25 April 2025.

“These memorials will give families and their loved ones dignity and respect, and a meaningful way to combat the stigma surrounding mental illness and hopefully assist the healing process,” he says.

Along with his advisory team, Kevin is working hard to answer enquiries for new memorials.

“We’re always looking to where we can help and at the same time continue doing the work we are,” he says.

“At this stage we're not a charity, or company or anything like that. It’s just an initiative, an idea that happened to get real traction. We’re just making it happen. And when they see the Cor Infinitus symbol, hopefully it’ll promote some conversations around how people are really doing and lead people to the help they might need.”

For further information please visit corinfinitus.org